They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
