You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
