look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
