I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
