I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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