this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
