I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
