nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
