Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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