Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
