I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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