I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
