Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
