what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
