Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
