she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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