you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
