I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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