i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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