Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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