i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she peed on how many people?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
