i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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