zippers are such a cool invention
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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