It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
