Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
