i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
