I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
