turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
