do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
