6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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