apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
