White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
why do cheetos always look like penises
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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