I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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