we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
