So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
