It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I love having hate sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
