erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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