the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
