in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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