i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
