I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
