her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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