Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
