It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
