It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
