Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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