i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
