Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
