there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you have to choose: penises or morals?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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