I have demons in me.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
