To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
