Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I see more hoeing in ur future
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