She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
