It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
