Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
