oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
