So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
