I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
