we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
