how can u be prego again
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
