I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
