he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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