Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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