The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
