Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
