What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
