it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
