The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
