I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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