Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
