it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
