Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
