Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
