I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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