watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
